I keep for me

February 24, 2013 § Leave a comment

Adam asked me last night if I still thought about Nic.

I told him that there’s not a day that passes that I don’t think about him at some point.  In truth, there’s rarely an hour passes during which I don’t think about him.

Adam also asked me last night to tell him some of the things that act as reminders, what the triggers are that make me think of him.  I flatly refused and he got upset with me but this is something I cannot share, something I have to keep for myself.  There has to be something sacred which I get to keep, which means something only to me.  All the little things that make me smile or cringe or want to cry, I have to keep them just for myself.

I have to try and get some separation and perspective this week.  I need to get through a day, or even two or three, without writing, without talking about it with Adam.  I have to start letting go before this devours me and destroys my marriage in the process.


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